I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
