I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
