We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
