there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
