What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
