Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
