You made me cry and you don't even care
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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