Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
