I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
