Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
