We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
