I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She bit a glass in half.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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