i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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