she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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