She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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