so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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