I puked a lego.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
