So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
