Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
