Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
