Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
