I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
