If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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