I love black thongs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
