Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
