ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
