sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
