You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
