she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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