Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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