where am i from again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
