I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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