If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize