One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
