i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
