I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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