He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
