I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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