i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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