It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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