My cat gives me a boner
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
PANTIES FOUND
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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