i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
