Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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