my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
