I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I deserve this hangover.
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