I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
