You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
