haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
