I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize