So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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