Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
