I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
