You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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