I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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