I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
