i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
