You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So much Jack, so little girl.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
