I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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