We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
