I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
