i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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