you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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