She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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