I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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