I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
