In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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