hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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