Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize