my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
