i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
false alarm. still invincible.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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