that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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