She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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