apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
