I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
