I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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