Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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