But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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