You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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