is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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