You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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