I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
