think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
