Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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